Ten years, and I still miss you as fuck

You're here, there's nothing I fear

And I know that my heart will go on

We'll stay forever this way

You are safe in my heart

And my heart will go on and on

'My Heart Will Go On' - Celine Dion

I do not have a picture, but I know my mother still has. I do not need one though because I remember how you looked like; how you were. A wonderful woman I have loved and the best godmother I could have ever asked for. When I think of you I remember your soft wrinkles and dimples curling to a beautiful smile. I remember your joyful laughter.

Visiting my godfather's place is not the same anymore. It never will. Eventhough ten years have already passed, I feel as if it had been just yesterday that my mother told me that you were gone. Deep in my heart I still keep asking why. Why did a wonderful person like you had to suffer of cancer? Why did you, of all people, have to be taken away so cruelly from the world?

You never had the chance to see your granddaughter growing up. You never had the chance to meet my most precious niece. Never had the chance to witness all the wonderful things life still offered.

I miss you. Greatly. Every day I do. I wish to visit your grave today, but it must wait for another day. Today I want to remember you. I love you so very much.

I was strong when you slipped from this world. I did not cry. Until the day of your funeral came. I was barely 15, and yet had to say goodbye to you. I cried when the song to your funeral had reached its peak. And I did not stop. I still cry when I listen to your song because it reminds me of you. I carry that wonderful ring you've given me as a present around my neck every time around this time of the year. It is all I have left of you, together with the memories.

Sometimes ... sometimes I question myself where you are when I visit my godfather. But then I remember. You will not walk through the door anymore. You will not laugh and smile anymore.

You are gone.

And it hurts.